So, it was my good luck to have been able to spend almost thirty years in a sort of oblivion. For me the drama of a writer is being famous when he’ young, that’s extremely bad. It forces everything, because most writers, when they’re known fairly young, they write for their public. In my opinion, a book should be written without thinking of others. You shouldn’t write for anyone, only for yourself. And one should never write a book just to write a book. Because that has no reality, it’s only a book. Everything I’ve written, I wrote to escape a sense of oppression, suffocation. It wasn’t from inspiration, as they say. It was a sort of getting free, to be able to breathe.
I remember everything
I pretend I saw nothing
In spite of language, in spite of intelligence and intuition and sympathy, one can never really communicate anything to anybody. The essential substance of every thought and feeling remains incommunicable, locked up in the impenetrable strong-room of the individual soul and body. Our life is a sentence of perpetual solitary confinement.
Even Jewish mythology provides a primal androgyne. Here is the substance of a cultural underground most directly related to us. According to the Zohar, the first created woman was not Eve but Lilith. She was created coterminous with Adam, that is, they were created in one body, androgynous. They were of one substance, one corporality. God, so the legend goes, split them apart so that Lilith could be dressed as a bride and married to Adam properly, but Lilith rebelled at the whole concept of marriage„ that is, of being defined as Adam’s inferior, and fled. Lilith was in fact the first woman and the first feminist both. The Jewish patriarchs, with shrewd vengeance, called her a witch. They said that the witch Lilith haunted the night (her name is etymologically associated with the Hebrew word for night) and killed infants. She became symbolic of the dark, evil side of all women. Of course, Lilith, we know now, made the correct analysis and went to the core of the problem: she rejected the nuclear family. God, however, saw it differently — he had created Lilith from dust, just as he had created Adam. He had created her free and equal. Not making the same mistake twice, Eve was created from Adam’s rib, clearly giving her no claim to either freedom or equality. It took the Christians to assert that since the rib is bent, woman’s
nature is contrary to man’s.
FOR VICTORIA AVALOS (Poem by Roberto Bolano)
Best of luck to those bestowed with dark talents
and no good fortune I’ve seen them wake up
on sea shores and light cigarettes
as only those who long for
teasing and tiny caresses can Best of luck
to these nomadic proletarians
who put their heart in everything